LOVE WORKS DAILY 01/15/07 - Wisdom of the Sages

LOVE WORKS DAILY 01/15/07 - Wisdom of the Sages

Hello Friends! I hope today finds you happy and welland filled with the infinity that is love and thecapacity to give and receive it freely today!

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INSPIRATIONAL MOMENT:(Great Thoughts By History's Inspired Thinking Men and Women)
The greater part of our happiness depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
-Martha Washington

TIM's BLOG (Random Thoughts and Tim's Daily World):
I really like parables. And today's LOVE WORKS beginswith one of my favorites from the Buddhist tradition.There are, of course, thousands of other parables,from all corners of the world.
This weekend on Sunday, I am going to start teaching aCHURCH SCHOOL class and we will be focusing on parables.
My son always wants to know if they are TRUE...if theyREALLY happened. The most interesting thing about parablesis that it doesn't really mattter.
It's what the story MEANS..that makes all the difference.I know many people get caught up in whether the big fishreally swallowed Jonah...but I think if you spend that muchenergy on PROVING it, you take away the attention from thereal message.
With that in mind...The parable of the burning house...and some of how it applies to me...
Hope you are all happy and well on this day of rememberingMartin Luther King and strides in civil rights that cameat his leadership.
best to you all!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: (Brand New and Classic Love Works Essays 2001-2007)
Today, my friends, I am going to share three pieces of wisdomthat have been shared with me over the years and to which I havelearned and grown.
But first, I want to give a brief account of a parablethat can be found in the Lotus Sutra, an important "teaching" that was influential over 500 years ago in Japanand is still a vital text in many world religions and philosophicalstudies.
This parable comes from the second chapter called 'Expedient Means".And although reprinting the parable in it's entirety wouldmost likely make it's meaning clear (and my use of it here is only one of it's many meanings...the great thing about parables),for the purpose of expedient means I will tell it in a few sentancesin my own words.
The parable begins with a rich man overseeing his many sons inhis large mansion. Although the man was rich and the mansionwas large, it was also old and in poor repair.
One day, a huge fire broke out in the house and the man, who lovedhis sons, tried to get them to leave the house and go tosafety. But each of his sons was so consumed with his toys andgames that he could not be convinced to leave.
So First, the father explained to them what was actually happening.He explained that the house was old and was burning and that theymust leave or they would parish.
The sons paid no mind to this. They were too young to understand.
Second, he attemped to take them from the house himself. But theywould not go with him. And he could not carry them all out, andwould not leave any behind to die.
Finally, he offered them large and expensive gifts....wonderful prizesthat they could have if they would come out into the yard and get them.
Although the sons still did not understand the house was on fireor that they were in danger, they left the house and came to theyard and claimed their prizes.
The father, of course, gave them to them.
The father, however, was asked..."Why did you do this?"
"You tricked your sons to leave the house, and they learned nothing."
"Better that they get out of the house alive," the father responded, "then have them learn a lesson. Now that they are safe, I willhave opportunities to teach them lessons. Opportunities thatwould have been lost had they died. I gave them the prizes,because they were too young and to inexperienced to hear anythingI said to them."
So...Over the years I have been given some expedient means.None of them are particularly wrong. I just thought I would share them with you for your consideration.
About 15 years ago, when I was going through my divorce, and was havingdifficulty with my parents, who had also recently gone through adivorce and were in alot of pain, I visited a counselor whogave me this advice.
It was a simple phrase but one that has stuck with me to thisdate. The way he said it, just bluntly, was the expedient meansthat I needed to get out of my mindset and leave my burning house.
EXPEDIENT MEANS #1
The man said..."you know, Tim...You don't have to deal with Assholes!"
Sorry about the french, but somehow this man knew the sufferingI was in and the danger I was in and said the only thing that would get me moving. I simply could not hear anything else thathe had to say.
Family. Friends. Spouses. Politicians. Bankers. Used CarSalesmen. Politicians. Lawyers. Doctors.
You name it...
If they are acting like Asses, you don't have to stick around andput up with it.
There is a door, and they can use it, or you can use, butyou don't have to just be the victim of someone elses "crud" all the time.
Even family...I mean...Even your Dad or your Mom, a brother...a soon to be ex-spouse?
Yep...you don't have to deal with them.
They may be blood...but there is no law that says you have to stayin the same room with them.
If someday they can behave themselves and stop being an "you-know-what"then re-evaluate.
WOW!
A few years later, in a different counselors office, I pondered..."What if I don't want to be GONE...but someone is treating mebadly.....what then?"
Expedient means #2
The Misery Index.
If you can put up them, decide how much you can put up with them...decide how Miserable you will allow yourself to become before you have to leave...and just be happy and cope with everything LESS that that.
In other words, it's the same as #1 except now you learn toolsin which you can STAY around someone that is treating you poorly...but just set a predetermined limit to it.
When the misery index gets too high....you leave.
When the misery index goes back down....come back.
Cool...so you mean...stay in a burning house as long as it isessentially safe and sound....but be very educated to know when it't time to go....andwhen it's safe to come back.
That works...and it did for quite a while.
Expedient means #3
The Balance Sheet (Or The Business Deal Model)
This is the one that I currently use most often. And it's still nota perfect approach by any means. I have tried to explain it topeople and the response I get often is....
"So!!! I'm just a business deal to you!!!"
Oh well, here's the jist of it...
I came across this a few years ago on the net.
It incorporated #1 & 2 but again softens the whole thingwith much more understanding and compassion.
The concept is that all relationships are, in a real sense, akinto a business deal.
When you make a business deal, you do so because you believe thatyou will make a profit, or at least break even.
You do not enter into business deals KNOWING that you will lose out.(Even those types of deals would involve tax breaks, etc...in theend you DO EXPECT to profit.)
Thus it is the same with our personal relationships.We expect to invest a certain amount into them, and get a certain amount back.
At the minimum, you want the BALANCE SHEET to balance.
In other words, what you put out is roughly equal what you get back.
Some relationship pay off with HUGE profits. In some cases, wedo very little and the what we get from the other person isGIGANTIC.....in other cases we put alot into a relationship, aget some back, but not alot....
In some relationships, we invest everything, and get nothing....
SO.......
This version of an expedient means (and I realize that it is stillnot the model of unconditional love and compassion) means thatwe can keep all kinds of relationships.
We can have a full portfolio of diversified relationships.
Some that pay off BIG, others that pay off less, some thatbreak even and other that may even be a little in the red.
But regardless, by acknowledging WHAT we GIVE and WHAT we GAINfrom each relationship, we can make decision about how much resourseswe devote to each. Without having to get rid of, or be exclusive tocertain ones.
And still, in the end, if the relationship COSTS US TOO MUCH.....if the relationship is simply AT OUR EXPENSE.
Then we can decide to end that business deal.
Or renegotiate.
This last one also can be called the "NOT THROWING THE BABY OUTWITH THE BATHWATER" version.
Sometimes the joy of having a baby means you get splashed a bit...
Sometimes the joy of having a caring father means that you get lectured a bit....
Sometimes the joy of having a supportive spouse means that theysometimes don't understand everything you do.....
Ragardless, none of these stop the house from burning.....none of these are the true reason to leave a burning house....but as the children in the parable above....
We need something to get us to safety.....
And these have been three that I have used in my lifeto get me 1. Out of immediate harms way. 2. To A placewere I had a clear view of the fire, so I could makedecisions about it's danger 3. Have some wisdomin making good choices regarding the risks and benefits(expenses and profits)of having various types of relationships, and learning tokeep more of them.
Here's hoping that you are free from your burning housetoday....and stay safe and happy for many many long days ahead!

Love In Thought! Love In Word! Love In Action!
Love To You Today!

"May we endeavor today to increase our understanding and appreciation of what others have given and contributed to us. And develop constant, mindful consideration of how our thoughts and actions will BENIFICIALLYCONTRIBUTE to others"
The best to you today in discovering the answers to life's difficult questions!

A Final Thought:
Love is always the right thing to do. Even if it isn't the easiest thing to do.
May we have compassion for the struggles of others, wisdom to acknowledge our own, and courage to address them both every day.
Respectfully,Tim
This is a daily newsletter of LOVE WORKS DAILY:A collective of individuals of different beliefs andbackgrounds, dedicated to a better world by living LOVE in thought,word and action. Compassion. Wisdom. Courage.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
Peace be with you.

(c)2007 T.Thomas Henry